One Little Word: Yes
by warm summer days
Summary: I hate James Potter. That’s why I chucked his wand in the lake, and flushed that stupid snitch down the toilet. But…then why did I say yes? ...It's mainly Lily pranking the Marauders, kind of random...
1. Prologe

Disclaimer: I only own a pencil and a tube of lip-gloss. Pretty sad, isn't it?

Summary: I hate James Potter. That's why I chucked his wand in the lake, and flushed that stupid snitch down the toilet. But…then why did I say yes?

)O(

I stormed past him, obviously trying to ignore his presence. Why the hell did he have to get the part of Head Boy? Why not…Lupin, or someone actually WORTH the title?

It didn't help that we had to share a dorm, either. I just know one of these days he'll throw some big party in it or something, just to drive me mad. I honestly wouldn't put it past him.

Oh, and let's not forget patrolling the corridors. Our first patrol is tonight, and we have to do it 'together', if, on the off chance, he actually shows up. Which I highly doubt he would. I mean, James Potter is known for slacking off, isn't he?

What do I mean 'isn't he?' of coarse he is. Which is why I hate him. I can't go out with a guy who can't focus on something. A guy who doesn't have any goals, or thinks about the consequences of his actions. It just wouldn't work between us.

Besides, I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend, Andrew, from Ravenclaw. He's perfect in every way. Funny, nice, smart, he has goals, and doesn't get into trouble every five minutes. Not to mention he's pretty cute.

"Evans! Oy! Evaaans!" I looked over my shoulder; Potter was waving his left hand in the air madly. "I can't make it to patrols tonight!"

…and the divinations teacher says I don't have the eye to see the future? Right.

I just nodded and walked on. It's not like tonight was a full moon or anything. I know he goes and helps Lupin with his transformations, and I can excuse that. But, ugh.

I told you. He's a slacker with no goals, and doesn't think about consequences.

I stepped onto the grounds as a swift burst of wind spread through the air. I shivered slightly and pulled my robes tighter against my body, and made my way to the green houses.

It was going to be a long day.

**A/N: I know this is short and pointless, that's why it's called the 'Prologue'. it's not a real chapter, it just sets up, and explains the situation. I do promise though, that the real chapters will be longer.**


	2. Patrolling and Breakups

Disclaimer: If I were J.K, would I be spending my time doing this disclaimer?

)O(

I pulled on my heavier cloak and slid out of the portrait hole, Potter had obviously, left before I could scold him for flaking off on his duties as Head Boy, which i was just itching to do.

Damn him and that stupid cloak of his. Because of that stupid cloak, he is able to sneak out past hours with his friends. This, no doubt, is what he is doing right now.

I let out a short huff before rounding the corner. I peered into an empty classroom to make sure it was no one was in it before moving on.

And his stupid map that helped him out of plenty of sticky situations, I'm sure, should have been confiscated ages ago. How did he make that thing, anyways? He's definitely not smart enough to figure it out. Then again, he probably had Lupin do all the work. The stupid slacker.

I realized it was getting to dark to see were I was going, and let a beam of light shine from my wand. Holding it low to the ground, I walked down to be the kitchens were held.

I knew plenty of students were aware of were it was, and knew how to get in. It was one of the places most students would be if they went out past hours.

I opened the door to hear bursts of laughter. Laughter that I had heard so many times when Potter and his friends dangled Snape upside down over the lake.

"Prongs, are you sure Lily doesn't mind that your skipping your rounds?" Lupin asked, sipping a butter-beer.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself." I stood, arms crossed over my chest.

"er…Hi Lily…want a butter-beer?" Potter said cautiously.

"I am to pissed off right now, I can't even yell at you. So. Here is how it's going to work. All of you are going to your dorms now, and detention on Friday." I said, through gritted teeth.

"now, why would we listen to you?" Black stretched out in his chair.

"you want to know why your going to listen? Your going to listen, because if you don't, the ministry is going to find out we have a couple of illegal animagi in our school." I snarled. They were up and out of the door in an instant.

There is nothing a little blackmail can't do.

)O(

"Er…Hi Lily." Potter said just as I shut the door.

"Potter." I gave a curt nod, before ascending the steps to my room.

"So, how did you figure out we were animagi?" He asked. i stumbled a bit, I wasn't expecting him to talk anymore.

Finally catching my balance, I turned to look at him. "I have my ways."

I slid up to my room and shut my door.

I sat in my bed. Thinking the day over.

What was Potter doing in the kitchen?

When was that Transfiguration essay due?

Should I report Potter and his friends for breaking the law?

Why do I keep thinking about Potter?

I turned so I lay on my side, trying to sort my thoughts out.

Slowly, I drifted to sleep.

)O(

"Hey Lily." Andrew pecked me on the cheek as he sat down next to me at breakfast.

"Hi Andrew." I pulled the plate of toast to me and pilled a few pieces on my plate.

"So, how was patrolling the school? Is it fun being out late?" He asked between bites of egg.

"Well, Potter didn't show up, I caught him and his friends in the kitchens having a good old time while I was working. But other than that, it was fine." I said.

"Just think, in a few years, you'll be the owner of a big corporate company that he'll try to get a job at, and you can make his life living hell." I laughed a bit. He had told me this so many times.

"True. What class do you have?" He thought for a moment.

"Transfiguration. You?"

"Potions." He nodded. "Are you ok? you look a bit distracted .

"Erm, yeah, Lily, you know how you always said if you have goals, you do whatever it takes to reach them?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah…" I looked at him. he was staring at his plate. "Why?"

"I was offered a spot at Durmstrang for the rest of the year, and I took it." My fork clattered to my plate, as I gaped at him.

"Right. Well. That's great! I mean, I would have taken it." I said, though it was a downright lie.

"Well, um…I was thinking we should, you know, what if I found another girl…" oh, right.

"Uh, yeah. That's cool. No problem. When do you leave?" Soon, hopefully?

"Tomorrow." And you waited this long to tell me?

"Right. Huh, I have to get to class. See you later, Andrew." I stood and pulled my book bag over my shoulder.

I stalked out of the hall at top speed, immersing myself in a group of girls so I wouldn't attract attention.

**A/N: Lily's life seems to be going all the way down hill, huh? Pity…Sorry there isn't much Lily/James interaction in this chapter; it's kind of like a second prologe. Next chapter I do promise more James and Co. **

**I give my biggest thank you's to Amenti and Lily Hermione Potter for reviewing. I know this chapter isn't very good, it's kind of a filler until I get the plot set up, which I think will happen in the next chapter or two.**

**Cookies and ice-cream to those who review! The chapters will get longer as the story progresses. ONE MORE THING! I NEED A BETA (as you have probably noticed) DEARLY! IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, TELL ME!**


	3. Potions, Ponies, and Ravendrew

Disclaimer: Haha, that's funny. You actually thought I owned HP?

)O(

"Good morning, class." Professor Slughorn walked into the room. I never really liked Slughorn much; he favored certain students and invited them to his parties and such. It was rather annoying, really.

I mean, don't get me wrong, he invited me to those parties because I was great at potions. But what really annoys me, is when he invites people because of how rich or famous someone's family is.

Like Potter, for instance. He is the worst potion maker I have ever seen, but since his parents are both well-know aurors (A/N: tell me if I spelled that wrong), he gets invited. I mean how is that supposed to make someone who works their arse off to get recognition feel compared to someone who can just slack off and take the easy route and still gets recognition?

Let me tell you. It pisses me off, big time.

"Today, we will be working on Felix Felisis. And because of a few people who had stolen some ingredients from my personal supply last night to turn young Snape's hair pink, we have to do this in partners due to lack of supply." I shot a nasty glance at Potter who kept his head down at his book.

Well. Now I know what he was celebrating last night. The stupid slacker.

Please don't put me with Potter. Please don't put me with Potter!

"Miss Evans and Mister Lupin." Oh, yeah, like that's any better.

Lupin moved next to me, bringing the supplies with him. I lit the fire under the cauldron and poured thirty-seven ounces of water in it.

"So, you're not in a happy mood today." Lupin said, adding powdered birch tree bark.

"Oh, hmm, I wonder why?" I said sarcastically, chopping up a gurdy root.

"So, hah, pink hair…" I glared at Lupin and he immediately shut up.

"Clockwise." I said. He gave a questioning look at me. "You're stirring in counter-clockwise. You need to be stirring it clockwise."

"Oh, right." He changed the direction. "You're not just mad at James, are you? I mean, he didn't do anything to drastic…"

"It's not just Potter, thanks for checking, Dr. Phil." I mocked.

"Sorry. Just thought I could help. Anyways, who's Dr. Phil?" I rolled my eyes and added eye of newt to the potion.

The potion started becoming a gleaming yellow-green. Halfway finished.

"So, what else is bugging you?" he asked, adding a bit of ice water to the cauldron.

"Nothing." I lied.

"But you just said it wasn't just James." he pointed out.

"And your point would be…?" if I kept turning away from the question, I'll never have to give him an answer.

There was a loud bang and everyone looked around.

Potter and Black were coated in sickly green goo that had blown out of their cauldron.

What did I tell you? Worst potions maker ever.

"Uck. It's in my hair!" Black brought a hand from his head, brining a long stretch of the green goo out. He shook his hand vigorously, trying to get it off, but it stuck like glue.

Turning back to my potion, I added head of flubber-worm and troll saliva. The greenish color was slowly starting to fade.

"Looks like its working." Lupin said. No, really? I never would have guessed.

"yeah." I said, putting the finished potion in a small vial, and cleaning up the mess with a flick of my wand. We brought it to Slughorn who took it and labeled it, excusing us from class early.

"So. What do you think we got on our potion?" I thought for a moment.

"An O." I said, confidently.

"How do you know?" he challenged.

"I always get an O in potions." this wasn't a lie. I worked extremely hard to get into those Slug-Club parties, just so I could meet important people that may help me when I try to get a good career when I'm older.

"Right. So, you seem really angry today." He said, looking at the floor.

"You already pointed that out." I said.

"And you never told me why." He turned to me.

"And I don't plan to." I hoped he would drop the conversation.

"Why?" Yet for some reason, my hopes never come true.

"Because." I answered.

"Just tell me!" I never knew guys begged. Huh. I guess there is a first for everything.

"Andrew is going to Durmstrang, and decided to break it off with me." I said, glancing at my watch. I had Transfiguration next.

"Oh. That's…er…um…"

"Why do you even bother answering if you have no idea what you're going to say?" I asked.

"I'm a guy. It's what we do."

"Guys are idiots." I turned into the McGonagall's room and set my books down on a table, hoping that Lupin would sit somewhere else.

But, as I have said before, my hopes usually don't come true.

He sat next to me. What gave him the stupid idea that he could do that?

"Is it alright if I sit here? Last time during Transfiguration, Sirius blew my eyebrows up." Oh yeah, I remember that. I think that was the day I couldn't stop laughing.

"What ever." The class starting to fill in slowly. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew walked in, sitting behind us. Potter looked daggers at Lupin for who know what stupid reason.

"We will be working on transfiguring toads into mushrooms today." Professor McGonagall's shrill voice pierced the air, and she flicked her wand. Instructions on the incantation were on the board. "You may begin." The class was buzzing with the same spell being chanted over and over again.

I flicked my wand and my toad was a slimy green mushroom. "woops." I poked it with the end of my wand and it croaked.

There was a burst of laughter from behind me and I looked around. Black had turned Potter into a pink pony. Let's just say the pink pony did not look happy.

The pony let out a 'NAY!' and pink and purpled confetti spewed out of it's mouth, causing me to break out into more laughter.

"Mr. Black! What did you do?" McGonagall ran up.

"I turned James into a baby horse?" Black said, hesitantly.

"No shit, Sherlock." I said between laughs.

"Miss Evans! Language!"

"Sorry Professor." I said, still laughing.

I turned back to my toad. It was back to normal again. I swished my wand, and it turned into a perfect mushroom.

"I'm beginning to find Transfiguration one of my favorite subjects." I said, poking the mushroom with my wand, and finding it perfect.

"Why?"

"Because one of you idiots always seems to get hur…" there was soft chuckling behind me. Lupin was gaping at me.

"Er…" Lupin brought his hand to my head and pulled a bunch of hair into my vision. Blond hair, to be exact.

"POTTER!" I rounded on him. "CHANGE IT BACK!"

"Nah…I like it the way it is." I was fuming.

"Change it back. Now. Or I'll confiscate that stupid map of yours." He immediately swished his wand, and my hair was back to red.

As I have stated before, there is nothing a little blackmail can't do.

)O(

"So…I made it to rounds tonight." He said, ruffling his hair in that annoying way. I swear, if he ruffles his hair one more time, I'm going to shave it all off while he's asleep.

"Yeah, I kind of noticed." I rolled my eyes. "Lumos." My wand lit up, providing light in the dark corridor.

"So…I heard Ravendrew broke up with you." He said, lighting his wand too. Now who told you that. (note my voice dripping with sarcasm)

"Ravendrew?" I should remember that one…

"I've been calling him that since fifth year. I mean, he's just so…perfect. It's almost scary." Potter glanced sideways at me.

"At least he had goals." I looked into a classroom. Peering in, I almost screamed.

Andrew was snogging Jennifer Summers.

"Lily…it's…" I shook my head slowly.

"I know perfectly well what it is. Don't try to convince me otherwise. Detention, Summers, Tuesday. Ten points from Ravenclaw. As for you, Andrew…you'll have this on your conscience all the way through Durmstrang." I turned back to Potter.

"…" Potter just stood there, gaping.

"Close your mouth. Your attracting flies." I moved on, wiping a tear that slid down my cheek.

**A/N: wow. I want to kick myself. I just read my second chapter (I posted it a while ago) and it is full to the brim of stupid errors. If I do that again, please tell me! I am using fanfiction to work on my writing skills throughout the year, and I will gladly take constructive criticism! Also, I need a BETA! So if you're interested, tell me in a review. I was planning on having James as Lily's partner in potions…but I decided otherwise. I do promise that there will be more James later though.**

**Er…I know its boring sappy stuff right now, but I have some ideas for pranks… again, I'm slowly bringing the plot into play. It's only the third chapter, people! So don't leave me!**

**I am extremely happy that people are actually reviewing my story! So please keep that up! _The first person to review this chapter will get a pre-view of the next chapter!_ (I hope that's good incentive to leave a review!) **

**Big thanks to Amenti, marauders-rule, whitelight72, kluvhp, RavieGrint for reviewing chapter 2!**


	4. ByeBye Andrea!

Disclaimer: My lawyer said I had to put this here.

)O(

"Potter! You can't just go chucking that stupid snitch at random Slytherins!" my face was flaming red with fury.

"Lily, Lily, Lily. I'm not chucking it at random Slytherins. I'm chucking it at Snape. There's a difference." He patted me on the shoulder.

"Give. Me. the. snitch, Potter." I snarled through gritted teeth.

"Why?" He held it against his chest like it was his only child.

"I'm confiscating it. And if you don't give it to me NOW, I'll take your invisibility cloak too." He immediately handed it over to me.

There is NOTHING blackmail can't do.

"Don't hurt it Lily!" James called after me as I walked away, clutching it tightly in my palm.

Honestly, you'd think he gave birth to the stupid thing.

Why does he have to pick on Snape anyway? It's not like he had ever done anything to James. I wonder what James would do if he saw me flirting with Snape…Not that I would flirt with Snape or anything. I mean…Ew.

I turned the corner and walked into the girl's bathroom. Dropping the snitch in the toilet, I flushed, watching the ball spin down and disappear from view.

I wonder if this goes under the category of 'hurting it'. I mean, I didn't cause physical damage or pain…what am I talking about? It's an inanimate object. Maybe I should see the nurse…

I walked onto the grounds, flipping a book open and scanning it through. There was a slide, and a 'THUMP' I looked over. Potter was sitting next to me, and his friends were standing in front of me.

"We'd you put my snitch?" He asked, there was a weird grin on his face. The weird grin that had been reserved for me since first year.

"It's sleeping with the fishies." I said, returning my attention back to my book.

"You threw it in the lake?" He stood up.

God, he is such an idiot.

There was a loud splash, and I looked up. He had dove into the lake in search for his snitch.

I started laughing as he went underwater.

"It's not there, is it?" Lupin asked, grinning.

"Nope." I gasped out between laughs.

"Were is it?" Black asked, raising an eyebrow as Potter's head bobbed up from the center of the lake.

"It's were ever the toilets lead to." I said, smirking.

"You flushed it down the toilet?" I responded in a grin.

)O(

"So, Ravendrew is gone." Potter ruffled his hair.

That's it. I'm shaving it tonight. No buts, that hair is going bye-bye.

"Yep." I brushed a few strands of my own hair from my face.

"So, I heard you flushed my snitch down the toilet."

I chuckled softly.

"I could almost hear it scream as it went down." I had to bite my lip so I didn't burst into laughter.

"Poor Andrea." He shook his head as if he were mourning someone at a funeral.

"You named your snitch Andrea?" I snorted.

"I sure as Hell didn't name her Snivellus." He lit his wand so he could see better in the dark.

"This surprises me on account of how many times it's collided with Snape's head." He gave a knowing smirk.

"Yeah. She gave us a good laugh a fare share of times." I just rolled my eyes.

Boys can be such idiots sometimes.


	5. A Sign of Maturing

Disclaimer: Nope. Na-uh. Sorry. I only steal the ideas and use them for my own personal enjoyment. Sue me.

)O(

I keep my promises, and when I say I'm going to shave his hair off, I WILL shave his hair off.

I crept up the stairs to his dormitory. I could hear him snore loudly, and I snuck in.

He was sprawled out, sheets only covering his feet, and left arm hanging over the edge, glasses askew.

I brought the battery-powered razor to his head, and slowly got to work, being careful not to wake him.

Who says Lily Evans is a goody-two-shoes? I sure ass hell don't.

)O(

There was a loud yell from the boy's dorm as I sat in the common room, flipping through Witch Weekly.

I personally never found the magazine interesting, all it does is gossip about people. Rather stupid, really. Who cares if the Weird Sister's all had nose jobs? Maybe they were all born with noses that looked like Mt. Everest, and it made them feel bad about themselves.

Great. Now I sound like a psychiatrist. Just peachy.

"I've gone bald! Help! Help! Someone! I don't want to go bald of old age! I'm only seventeen!" he came flying down the stairs.

"Wow…" I did an extremely good job!

"I know…" he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "It makes me feel old."

I did a VERY good job.

"Well, losing hair IS a sign of aging…" I said, trying not to break into fits of laughter.

"WHY ME?" He yelled at the ceiling.

"You know what the worst part is?" he shook his head in answer. "Once you lose the hair on your head, and it starts growing out your ears."

He yelped and ran out the door.

I smirked to myself and walked to the Great hall for some breakfast. I had a feeling it was going to be a great day.

)O(

Potter is such a slacker. I'm begging to think that's my unofficial motto, but it's true. I mean, look at him! He's sitting, twirling his wand in his hand as girls come up to him and say how hot he looks without hair.

And you know how he responded?

He said it was a sign of maturing. The idiot.

I mean, James Potter? Maturing? Somehow, I highly doubt that's possible. Haven't any of these stupid girls realized that he isn't acting any different? He only looks different people! There IS a reason why you were born with a brain. Use it!

I rolled my eyes and looked back at my essay. I had finished it an hour ago, and had checked it and corrected it three times.

What I do to get a good grade.

The cooing around Potter was starting to get on my nerves. I mean, wouldn't 'oh, James, you look so adorable!' and 'So, what are you doing during Hogsmead tomorrow?' drive you up the wall too?

I threw my books into my bag, and stalked past Potter and his crowd of stupid admirers.

Potter just ran a hand over his head, acting as if that dirty mop was still there. And get this: He winked at me as I walked by.

So, I shot him a dirty look before saying quite loudly and clearly "The library is for studying, not for trying to beg Potter into going on a date with." All the girls blushed feverishly and walked out, muttering 'I didn't beg him to go out with me.'

"Lily…ppssst!" I looked around. Potter was waving his hand in the air frantically to get my attention. Way to be discreet, idiot.

"What?" I walked over to him and he grinned.

"You were jealous of those girls!" he ruffled his head. Notice how I said 'head' not 'hair'? Yeah, think about how weird it looks.

"If I was jealous of those girls, would I have shaved your head last night?" he gaped at me as I said this.

"B-b-but I thought I was maturing!" he looked sadly at the table.

"Nope."

"Oh, I'll see you at rounds I guess." He said, looking up with the worst attempt of the puppy-dog pout I have ever seen.

"Leave the dog face to Black, and yes, rounds tonight." I walked out, leaving him gazing at me as I left.

Lily Evans is not, and never will be, a goody-two-shoes.

I walked out of the library, making sure my book-bag hit Potter hard in the stomach.

)O(

"You're out past curfew, Snape." Potter spat at the angry looking boy.

"I never would have guessed, Potter." Snape raised his wand at Potter's temple.

Potter did the same.

"There is no need for violence. Detention, Snape. Sunday morning. Potter, your Head Boy! You should be setting an example!"

Potter slowly lowered his wand, to my surprise. "Get to your dorm, Snape." Snape stalked out, nose held high.

"You know, one day, Potter, someone is going to prank you. And then you'll know how he feels." I said, moving down towards the library, him close behind.

"That'll be the day I display my knickers to the public." He snorted. "And Sirius' too."

I can arrange that. With a bit of help, of course.

**A/N: Erm…sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up... **

**So, yes, short chapter, I knoooow. Don't hit me! (or kick me, for that matter!)**

**First person to review get a preview of the next chapter! I hope the next chapter will be funnier… 'hope' being the key-word here.**

**Cookies to: WriterApprentice, aussiegal, Eldrad36, Aiko'sNicht-Patrol, themaniac of no manss land, 0-Laurie-0, Miss SJB, Amenti, Lily Hermione Potter, hermionewiz27 for reviewing chapter four!**


	6. A Well Clothed Willow, Bare Accusations

Disclaimer: If I had a dollar for every time I wrote a disclaimer, I'd have be six dollars richer.

)O(

"Alice, will you help me?" She looked up at me from her book, an obvious expression of worry on her face.

Let's just say the last time she helped me with a prank…she ended up in the infirmary with no recollection of how she got in there.

The prank…let's just say Potter woke up in the middle of the forest. And from his screaming, a centaur chased him out with a spear.

I won't go into detail on how poor Alice lost her memory of that…interesting day.

"Why?" She squinted at me, debating with herself if it was safe or not.

"Because I can't do it without you! Besides, didn't you say you owed me for hooking you up with Frank?" That did it.

She let out a long sigh and snapped her book shut. "What do I have to do?"

I grinned and pulled her to the Womping willow.

"Have you gone mad, lily? It'll kill us!" She looked at me then to the tree.

"All you have to do, is press the knot at the bottom of the tree, and hold it." She looked at the sky, and gave a distinct 'why me?' before moving into position.

It was rather early, five a.m. to be exact. So there wasn't anyone up quite yet. The air was crisp, and there was a light dusting of snow on the ground that crunched as I walked up to one of the frozen branches.

I hoisted myself up, swinging one leg over the branch. Gripping the tree tightly with one hand, I brought my bag over my shoulder with the other.

I pulled out the first item, Potter's cloak, and tied it around the branch in a knot, so it wouldn't fly off once Alice let go.

"Hurry up, Lily!" Alice said from her position. I was moving along the tree on my stomach, tying clothing on branches as I went.

Finally, I hopped down. Somehow, I landed on my feet.

This was going to be one hell of a prank.

)O(

The great hall was almost empty; most people had already gone to Hogsmead. The only people at the Gryffindor table when we came in were Pettigrew and Lupin.

Alice gave a nod, and I walked over and sat in front of them. They looked at me in shock, mouths slightly open.

"Hi?" Lupin said, still staring at me.

"Hi." I poured some pumpkin juice and took a sip. "Where's Potter?"

This shocked them even more.

"Um, er…he…uh…hurt himself…playing quiditch to well, and…yeah." I shook my head sadly. They were trying to make Potter look good in front of me. Cute.

"You are the worst liar, Lupin." I took another sip of my juice.

"How so?" He was tapping his fingers on the table, trying not to tell the truth.

"Well, first off, I highly doubt he would play quiditch instead of Hogsmead." His fingers started tapping faster as I spoke. "And he probably wouldn't want to play quiditch naked."

They both gaped at me.

"You!"

I grinned. "Me!"

"Were did you put their clothes?" Lupin was looking at me in awe.

"The Womping Willow." I said innocently.

"You hung their clothes on the Womping Willow?" Lupin shook his head slowly, taking this in.

"It was rather fun, really. I just wonder how they'll get their things down." He was still gaping at me.

"You really are quite something, Lily." I gave an 'I know.' Smirk and went back to my juice.

There was chuckling around the hall and I looked up at the door. Potter and Black came in wearing Green and Silver towels around them.

"Lily, what did you do?" Potter was in front of me. I burst out laughing again.

Everyone was laughing, actually. Potter was the funniest shade of pink, and Black…well, Black was winking at every girl he walked by.

I knew this would be one hell of a prank.

)O(

I was alone in one of the caiirages to Hogsmead, waiting to get going. I had to wait until at least one more person came along, I wasn't aloud to have a carriage by myself, what with the Voldemort attacks around wizarding London.

"I'll wait for you guys." I heard someone promise before pulling himself into MY carriage.

I looked at the face.

Smirking back at me was James Bloody Potter.

"Hi Lily." He sat next to me. He could have sat in front of me, but nooo. He had to sit next to me. "So, I figured out why you REALLY took our clothes.

"Oh, really? Why did I?" He smirked and ruffled his hair; which somehow, had grown back all the way. How? I have no idea.

"You wanted to see me in nothing but a towel." I gaped at him. "And that's ok, most girls do."

Is he on something?

He placed an arm over me. "And lucky for you, I don't mind going out with you."

"Ok, ew," I shoved him off of me, and moved to the seat in front of him. "Uh-uh. No."

"You don't need to hide it anymore, Lily." He was still smirking, obviously enjoying the effect this had on me.

"The day I go out with you, is the day pigs fly." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What's a pig?" Um…let me think…something a lot like you.

"A farm animal, you idiot." I looked out the window. There was a bit of snow falling onto the ground again, giving everything a shimmering affect.

He thought for a minute.

"You mean the pink things that oink?"

Merlin, he needs help.

"Yes, Potter. The pink things that oink." Was he honestly considering chucking a pig in the air, and saying it flew?

Gods, he really needs help.

**A/N: I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out. It's not extremely funny, or anything, but oh well. Sorry it took me a while to get it up, I had this half-way written and then my computer crashed and it got deleted. So, I had to re-write it.**

**I'm pretty exited about the next chapter, too. Let's just say that…eh, no. let's not say anything. Let's make the kind readers wait patiently for the next chapter. **

**Sorry I didn't send this chapter in for BETA-ing, I felt it would be cruel to make every one wait a few days longer to get the chapter. The next chapter will be sent for BETA-ing, though! (As a heads up to Aiko'sNight-Patrol! I'll send the chapter when I'm finished!)**

**Cake and ice-cream to: Lily Hermione Potter, WriterApprentice, Bucky Katt Rocks, Aiko'sNight-Patrol, 0-Laurie-0, Amenti, Inujeanne, hermionewiz27, aweirdoperson, FairiesandDragons911, apotterlover for reviewing chapter five!**


	7. Farm Boys

Disclaimer: If you think I own Harry Potter…you need to see a doctor.

Passing through a corridor on my way to lessons, I saw Potter whispering something to Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. Pettigrew gave a loud cry of what sounded like 'why is it always me?' His friends just shrugged.

Potter looked up, and grinned that stupid lopsided grin at me. I glared at him, and he chuckled. Shaking his head slightly, he went back to whispering.

God, Potter is _such_ an idiot.

The bell rang the moment I had set my bag next to Alice. Potter and his friends walked in casually, and sat behind us.

"You are so lucky we're your friends, James." I heard Sirius whisper. God, could he whisper any louder? I'm sure there might be a few people in _Hogsmede_ who couldn't hear him. I kept my head down as he talked. "I mean, what other friends would help you get with Evans?"

Oh, joy. I'm in for it now, aren't I?

"Quiet, please." McGonagall said authoritatively. "Now, I'm assigning each of you to a partner, you and that partner will work on a homework assignment based on a topic of my choosing."

There were loud groans from the class. McGonagall ignored them.

"Alice and Sirius will work on transfiguring inanimate objects into plants." Alice let out an extremely long groan.

"But what if he turns me into a pony?" She complained.

"Peter and Remus will be working on animagi." No complaints there. Big surprise.

"Snape and Frank will work on transfiguring birds into food." Both of them let out shouts of protests.

"Lily and James will work on turning farm animals into fine china." Oh, hallelujah. She could've chosen anyone in the class, and she just has to pair me with THAT utter moron.

"Great." I said as Potter sat next to me. "More pigs."

)O(

The moment I stepped into the flurry of snow on my way to Care of Magical Creatures, I could hear laughing from various students.

There was screaming and the laughter grew louder, and I looked around, trying to see what the hell was so funny. Everyone was looking at the sky.

I turned my gaze to the heavens, and oddly, saw Pettigrew tied to a broomstick. He had hot pink paper ears and a tail glued to him, and realisation dawned on me.

A flying pig. Funny.

Pettigrew flew dangerously close to the castle wall, and he let out an extremely loud girly shriek. The broom immediately flew down, and away from the castle.

The laughter grew louder as Pettigrew tried to cover his screams with oinks. Unfortunately, it turned into more of a 'SQUEEENK!'

I felt a presence next to me, and looked over. Potter stood laughing, looking at the sky.

I averted my eyes back to the flying Pettigrew, and side-stepped away from him. He didn't seem to notice me.

At least, he didn't notice me until Black pelted me with a snowball, and I tumbled into his arms.

Potter had grabbed me by the elbows before I could fall any further.

The stupid idiots probably planned that to happen. Gits.

"Don't touch me." I said stubbornly.

So, being the idiot he is, he let me go.

I fell onto the ground, getting myself coated in snow. Could he be any stupider?

"Great, thanks." I said dryly. "By the way, if you wanted to make it more realistic, you would have tied YOURSELF to the broom."

I stalked off, head held high.

**A/N: Ok, ok, I know! Long wait for an update! I've been SUPER busy. My school messed up with my registration, and didn't put me in the class lists- which means I wasn't in any of the classes. So I had to fix that. And I had golf and chorus…it was hard to find time to update.**

**And I know it's short! No need to remind me! If you have any ideas for a good prank for Lily to pull, TELL ME! I will dedicate the chapter to you!**

**I would also like to give a big thanks to my BETA Aiko'sNight-Patrol. And thanks to Inujeanne for posting the story in German!**

**Chocolate chips to sweet-lovr, WritterApprentice, Hannah, aweirdoperson, Aiko'sNight-Patrol, hidden smile, and Amenti for reviewing the last chapter! You guys rock!**


	8. Barbie Boys, and Close Contact

Disclaimer: Do I own Harry Potter? ANSWER: do pigs fly? (Pettigrew does not count)

)O(

"I actually found the library!" Potter put his books down in front of me.

"What a shocker. Someone call the prophet." Trust me, I'm not being sarcastic.

"Funny. So what do we have to do?" He looked at me.

Stupid slacker.

"Explain the basics of turning a farm animal into a piece of fine china." I shoved a book at him. "Read chapter twenty-two, if you even know how to read. If not…well, that wouldn't surprise me."

He rolled his eyes before grabbing the book.

I turned a few pages of my book before hearing muttering. I looked up, and over my shoulder.

Black and Lupin. Black had his wand pointing at me from under the desk, and Lupin was trying hard not to burst into laughter.

Thinking quickly, I grabbed my wand. Potter looked at me quizzically.

"Sonitus solito" I flicked my wand.

That should do it.

"Hi Barbie." Remus blurted.

"Hi Ken!" Black said in this creepy girly voice. Everyone was looking at them like they were mad.

"Do you 'wanna go for a ride?" Lupin said loudly, his voice seeming to get lower.

"Sure Ken!" Black was looking around frantically, and then spotted me holding my wand. I stuffed it back into my bag, smirking.

"Jump In..." Lupin was turning pink.

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation" Black was singing, now. And everyone within hearing range was snickering.

"Come on Barbie, let's go party!" Lupin grimaced at his words.

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation!" Black tried covering his mouth with his hands, but it didn't work.

"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world  
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"" Black gagged.

"uu-oooh-u" Lupin was hitting his head on the desk.

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation!" The snickers were becoming louder. Madam Pince was frozen to the spot, watching.

"Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)" Poor, poor Lupin.

"Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"" By now, Black was clutching at his throat, and glaring at me.

"Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)" Lupin was glaring at me too.

"Oh, I'm having so much fun!" Black said loudly, everyone burst into more laughter.

"Well Barbie, we're just getting started." Lupin said, going even more pink, if that was physically possible.

"Oh, I love you Ken!" Black grabbed his mouth, and shook his head.

"Well, that was a very productive study break, don't you think?"

Potter was looking at me like I'd just snogged the giant squid.

)O(

Some one grabbed me around the stomach and held their hand to my mouth, so I couldn't yell.

Pulling me into a spare classroom, I saw Lupin standing with his arms crossed, foot tapping on the ground.

"That was pure evil." The person, who I presumed to be Black, holding onto me stated in my ear.

I just nodded in agreement.

"But as you know, we always get even." He continued.

Oh, shit.

"So, how should we do this Moony?" Lupin stepped forward, wand in hand.

"Well, I'm not sure." Lupin said, a big grin plastered on his face. "We could always make her spend time with James."

Good luck with that.

"That's a brilliant idea, Moony." Black said, pulling me over to a closet on the other side of the room. "To get out...you have to say he has the body of a god."

"No! That's..cruel and an unusual..."

He opened the door and shoved me in quickly, closing the door behind me.

"You could have at least let me finish telling you off!" I shouted at the closed door.

"Lily?"

Oh, shit.

"Potter, remind me to MURDER your friends." I leaned against the stone wall.

"Remind me to thank them." he had his wand lit.

"Any idea how to get out?" I looked around, to see his head cocked to the side looking at me.

Ugh.

"Nope." I lied.

Why the hell is it always me?

"Why did they lock you in here?" Potter asked, arms folded across his chest.

Because they obviously have a death wish.

"Payback." I said through gritted teeth.

"Maybe you have to snog me." Potter tried.

"I'd rather snog a dementor." I retorted. He huffed a bit.

"Alright, I'll get you one for Christmas."

Oh, yeah. Your SOOO funny, Potter.

"God, I can't believe what I have to do to get out of this mess!" i quickly regreted what i had just said.

"You do know how to get out!" Potter had a big smile on his face.

"I'm not saying it." I defended.

"That's right. You want to be in here with me all night long." He said in a singsong voice.

Oh, shit.

"I am going to murder those little…little…things!" I yelled.

"Just get us out of here, Lily." Potter said.

"You have a body of a god." I murmured.

The door un-clicked and I stepped out quickly. Potter moved in front of me, blocking my way out of the classroom.

"Which god?" He bent his head down over me.

"Buddha."

**A/N: Um, I have nothing against Buddha! It just fit, you know? So don't get mad at me for saying something mean about someone's religion…I didn't mean anything like that.**

**I know this isn't the funniest chapter, the wording just doesn't seem right. I kind of lost a bit of my originality in this chapter, I was in a bit of a bad mood when I wrote it. My parents told me we were moving.**

**Uuuhhh…I don't own 'Barbie Girl' (thank god), and I got the idea of having them sing from hermionewiz27's idea of having them burst into song. So I dedicate this chapter to her!**

**Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!**

**To my BETA: I sent this chapter to you, but you could just be on holiday or something. I started feeling bad about making my readers wait so long for this chapter, and decided to post it.**** So please don't kick me! (I bruise easily)**


	9. Padfoot ate the Chick and Potter's Pudge

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. But I do own a cat. Not that it matters.

)O(

"She said you looked like Buddha?" Pettigrew laughed.

Hell yeah, I did!

"Well, you are a bit pudgy." Black poked him in the side of the stomach.

"I am NOT pudgy!" Potter slapped Black's hand away. "It's all muscle, from quiditch."

"Looks more like pudge to me." Black said, poking him again.

"I AM NOT PUDGY!" Everyone in the hall turned to look at him. Flitwick, who was passing by, gave them the weirdest look I'd ever seen.

"Maybe you should lay off the chocolate frogs." Black added, grinning madly. "And maybe steak, too."

"Go shove your head down a toilet, Padfoot." Potter said as he started walking down the hall to potions.

"Potter?" He turned to look at me. "Do you know you look extremely pudgy?" I asked innocently.

"It's all muscle, Lily. Want to feel it for yourself?" He took a step towards me. A little to close for comfort.

"I'd rather eat a blast-ended screwt (spelling?)." I said, pulling my bag up over my shoulder as it slipped.

"Aww, Lily. Just yesterday you said I had a body of a god." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Great, now I have to wash my shirt. Just peachy.

"Yes, I believe I said you looked like Buddha." He sulked at my words.

"Fine, Fine. By the way…Sirius kind of ate our baby chicken last night…and um, now we don't have a farm animal to do our project with.

Yep, just peachy.

Wait, how did he eat a baby chicken? Or better yet, why?

"I'll come up with something." I turned on my heels and walked to the library. I had to use MY free period to figure out how to get another farm animal.

Just peachy.

)O(

"Thank you for that…explosive presentation, Sirius, Alice." McGonagall said as Alice slapped Black on the head with a rather large textbook. "James, Lily."

"Right, well, Potter let Black EAT our only animal, so I had to compromise." I said.

McGonagall looked at Potter then to Black, and just shook her head. "Go on."

"So…" I pulled out pink ears and put them on Potter's head. "There! A pig."

Potter scowled at me. I returned with a grin.

I flicked my wand quickly, and Potter turned into a tea-cup with pink trimming.

Not exactly fine china…but, it's just as affective.

"That's a very…interesting compromise." Though I distinctly heard her mutter 'why didn't I think of that first?'

I changed Potter back and sat down.

)O(

"Potter! Get your bloody pudge out of my way!" Alice yelled at Potter, who was standing in front of us.

"I am not pudgy!" Potter protested, throwing his hands in the air.

"Uh-huh. Sure you aren't. So what's the flab that wobbles around when you move?" She poked his arm.

"I'm not flabby!"

"Liar, liar!" She sang out.

"You're the liar!"

"Nah-uh! Lying is against my religion." She folded her arms across her chest, knowing she was going to win the battle.

"Oh, right, Jewish. But then why did you say Peter's nose attacked him in first year? Or that time when you over heard us talking about Remus' time of the month, you told the school that he had a sex change that wasn't finished? Or when you said Sirius' uncle was a greyhound? Or…"

She cut him off. "Those aren't lies. They were jokes. Learn to take one." She smirked slightly at their glares.

"Your evil." Black said, pointing at her.

"No, I'm Alice."

"She's suffering from insanity." Lupin clapped Black on the shoulder.

"I'm not suffering! I'm enjoying every minute of it."

I could only laugh at what she said. Only because it was true.

I'd never tell her that, of course. She has one hell of a kick. (I think that Hufflepuff, Daniel I think it was, still has a bruise after he told her that her potion looked like a vat cat sick.)

"At least I don't smell like a wet dog!" She shouted at Black. I jumped back into attention, trying to catch what I'd missed.

"Oh, yeah, like you smell any better!" black retorted.

"What are you doing _smelling_ me?" She put her hands on her hips.

"But you said I smelled!"

"I did no such thing, did I lily?" She asked me.

"Nope, she never said you smelled." I lied.

"You guys are on something." She added.

"Look whose talking." Black replied.

"What ever. Come on, Lily." I turned to follow Alice.

"Hey Lily?" Potter asked, cocking his head to the side.

"What?" I turned back to face him.

"Your caps are nice."

What the hell is he doing looking at my breasts? The pervert is going to pay.

**A/N: Yes, another chapter. Aren't you just extremely happy?**

**Ahem…anywho…thankies to people who review. There will probably be more Alice in the story…It's rather fun using that personality. So spontaneous and fun.**

**Haha, James is such an idiot, huh? How will Miss Lily get back at him this time? Maybe she will…nope. Not going to tell you! You just have to wait for me to update. Mwahaha. I am so evil!**

**Reviews are always appreciated. Flames are welcome, but will be laughed at. Maybe I can make it to eighty reviews? Maybe? Please?**

**Erm, no idea were my BETA went…probably on holiday or something…so sorry for the bazillions of errors that are probably in here.**

**First reviewer gets to find out what the prank is!**

**See you next chapter!**


	10. All is Fair in Love and War

"Alice?" I whispered behind my book.

"Hmm?" she was having trouble tearing her eyes away from the pages of 'The Art of Humiliation.'

"Found one." I scribbled the ingredients down on a spare piece of parchment.

She looked at the page I had marked, and read over the affects of it. "Perfect."

) O(

"Alice, hurry up!" I whispered in a harsh manor. She let out a small chuckle as she fumbled with her pockets.

"Here." She handed me the small vial of pink liquid that I had requested.

"Thank you." I un-corked it, and took a step towards the sleeping Potter.

He let out a soft grunt as I looked over him. I poured the contents of the bottle in his mouth and prayed to God he wouldn't wake.

He thought my breasts were nice...just wait until morning, Potter.

)O(

A loud yell could be heard from the Potter's dormitory the next morning. Lupin and Black looked up from the red sofa they were sitting on, then shrugged.

I bit my tongue so I wouldn't laugh yet. I could feel a bit of blood leak into my mouth, and winced at the bitter taste.

"LILY!" The shout came from the Head Boy's dorm. Alice, who was sitting next to me whilst we were 'pretending' to read, looked at me.

"LIIILLLYYY! You broke my manhood!"

"Ev-ans." Black had the stupidest grin on his face. "Who knew you had it in you?"

I gaped at him. Was he saying…that I...me with Potter?...yuelch!

There were a mass of footsteps down the staircase and everyone looked at him.

He had a size D chest.

Black and Lupin both let out an 'oh, I get it.' Before looking at Potter again.

Alice and I broke into hysterics. "Your shirt doesn't fit at all!"

"Just imagine pulling it on!" I snickered.

"Yeowch." Alice agreed.

"Lets get to class, Alice." She nodded and got up, bag on her shoulder. "Ciao!"

"LILLLYY!" Potter yelled just as we slammed the door shut and bolted to class.

)O(

Slughorn wasn't surprised when Potter, Black, and Lupin weren't at class on time.

But he was surprised when he saw Potter come in with huge breasts hanging out of his shirt.

The class broke into laughter and Potter blushed ferociously.

"Is this a new fashion statement, Mr. Potter?" Slughorn asked, a smile printed across his face.

"Why don't you ask Lily." Potter grumbled.

"So that's were those ingredients went. You did the potion perfectly Miss Evans. Just don't do it again." He laughed and returned to his paperwork.

"teacher's pet." Alice snickered from behind me. I just shrugged.

Potter dropped his books on my left and sat next to me. "Undo it."

"I can't." I grinned. "It will wear off tonight, don't worry."

He let out a long groan. "I'll get you back. And it will be much worse than the closet incident."

"I am so scared, Potter." I said dryly.

"You should be, Lily. You should be."

)O(

Potter was back to normal by now, and I was waiting for this 'payback' he had promised. I wasn't afraid or anything, but merely curios. I mean, it is about time he did something back. I've only been pranking them for who knows how long.

"Lily, walk with me." Potter slung an arm over my shoulders. I furrowed my eyebrows, as he looked down at me.

Gods, I hated being so short.

"What do you want Potter?" I sneered, he only chuckled.

"Payback, of coarse." He started riffling through his pocket, and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

A photograph of me sneaking into the restricted section after hours.

"Were did you get that?" I tried snatching it from him, but he held it out of my reach.

I really hate being short.

"How should I put this…I have my ways." He smirked down at me.

"You can't blackmail me!" I protested.

"Why? You do it all the time." He folded it back up and put it gingerly in his pocket again. "All is fair in love and war."

He tightened his one-armed grip on me as he walked onto the grounds. It was snowing lightly, and it crunched under our feet.

"What do I have to do to get the photo!" I practically shouted.

He just smirked as he looked at the lake. The giant squid was waving a tentacle across the surface, as if trying to keep it from freezing over.

"I told my parents you were coming on holiday with us." He had a huge grin on his face, obviously pleased with himself.

"You did what? No! No! No! No!" I stammered. "This is…is…evil!"

"It's brilliant. You should remember, the Marauders always get payback." He chuckled lightly. "Pack your bags, Lily. We leave day after tomorrow."

Oh, shit.

**A/N: Hello! What do you think? Good chapter? Shitty chapter? I'm not sure…so you have to tell me. Erruumm, I can't remember if I already said it was the holidays or not, I read over the chapters and didn't see anything that said that. But then again, I have a massive head cold that kind of has my brain scrambled. So, we'll just say the holidays haven't started.**

**I'm so close to eighty reviews! Come on! Review people, they make me extremely happy! **

**Also, I know I skipped around a lot in this chapter…I'm really trying to work on that. I just get all these ideas that I have to write down…and…yeah.**

**Review or I won't post the next chapter! Mwahahaha.**


	11. Trees and Mistaken Identities

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Sue me.

)O(

"Want to play exploding snap?" He asked.

"No." I said shortly.

"Chess?"

"No."

"Anything?"

"No."

"But I'm BORED." He flopped into the back of his seat.

"Then entertain yourself!"

He looked out the window, and was silent for about a minute.

Thank. God.

"Tree.

tree.

bird.

Tree

Tree.

Tree.

Farm.

Tree.

Sheep.

Tree

Tree

Yard.

Cow.

Tree.

Tree.

Tree.

Tree.

Tree.

Tree.

Tree.

Tr-"

"POTTER!"

"Yes?"

Hit me over the head with a rock. Please. Put me out of my misery.

)O(

"This it?" The cab driver asked, pulling into a long driveway with a huge light blue house at the end.

"Yeah." Potter nodded, tilting is head to one side, while looking at it. "It's our winter vacation home, you know Lily." He directed towards me.

"You only use it in the winter?" He has two houses?

"We have one for summer, too." He said. "It's on a beach."

Scratch that, he has THREE houses? So, he doesn't even stay at his...home, home?

I need to stop confusing myself.

The cab stopped in front of the house, and I opened my door and slid out. My legs were numb from sitting in the car for three hours. I pulled my book bag over my shoulder and turned to the house.

It was hella huge.

"Are you sure this is the place?" The driver asked skeptically.

"Yep." Potter said again, pulling his bag along behind him.

"Alright, then." The driver muttered something along the lines of 'getting a hotel room would be easier.' before pulling out.

"Wha-"

"Concealment charm." Potter interupted me. "Makes it look like a campground."

"So, don't muggles come by thinking they can camp here?"

"The house elves scare them away." He started walking towards the house.

"Poor muggles." I pulled my bag higher on my bag before following him.

Before the Potter could reach the door it flung open, and I my vision was obscured by a woman with dark brown hair.

"James, dear, you haven't grown much since school started. Your father and I missed you so much!"

Great. His mum thinks I'm Potter. What a compliment.

"Mum." Potter pulled her off me.

I stood there awkwardly, as Potter started laughing. Finally regaining composure, I kicked him in the shin.

He winced, but was still laughing.

His mother blushed a bit before apologizing for her mistake.

"Come on, Mini Me." he pulled me through the door, still laughing.

He is going to die. I swear it. I don't know how, or when, but he will suffer.

And how did he know about Austin Powers?

**A/N: I'm sorry! This chapter was a total filler! Arrrg! (I think my mind died after I moved last weekend.) It was off, and pointless, and it skipped around to much. It wasn't even funny. 'cries'**

**Oh, as another note, I am making it so I don't get anonymous reviews. I just don't want any more flames, and the only people who flame are the wimps who do anonymous reviews. So, no more anonymous reviews. Sorry for any inconveniences.**

**Again, sorry for this extremely bad chapter. I will try to make the next chap a little more…chapter like. I'm sure there will be tons of mistakes in this chapter…(I lost my BETA's e-mail) so point the mistakes out to me, I will fix them when I finish the story.**


	12. Poison Lasagna and Mental Trauma

Disclaimer: Nope.

)O(

One eye of newt.

Two slivers of weeping willow bark.

Four inches of bat wing.

Six ounces of gurdy-root juice.

One pint of warewolf blood.

Simmer for five hours.

Pssh. Why would I wait five hours when I can just put it in the microwave for five minutes?

I think this is a perfect way to get back at Potter for blackmailing me into this stupid trip. I thought about waiting two more days so I could get back to Hogwarts before pranking him, but I am just getting so bored.

Besides,

His mum really should know that keeping potion ingredients in the kitchen is a bad idea. Someone might 'accidentally' slip them into a cup of hot cocoa, and 'accidentally' give them to someone.

Accidentally, of coarse. I wouldn't purposely slip an infused drink to someone I utterly loathe, would I?

)O(

Well, Potter drank it. He smirked that cocky smirk of his and downed the whole thing in five seconds flat.

It was utterly repulsive.

One teeny-tiny glitch. Nothing happened. Absolutly nothing. I _so_ wanted to see him the size of a galleon, but nothing happened! Maybe stuffing the potion in a microwave to cut down time wasn't such a good idea…

But that's not the point I'm getting at. The point is that now he thinks I did something nice to him. Me, nice to _it_? Yeah, I don't think so.

Maybe I should try cooking dinner for him. You know, make his hair turn purple, or his skin hot pink. That could always be fun.

)O(

Ok, dinner? Bad idea. Really bad idea.

So, I made lasagna. Well, it wasn't just plain old lasagna, obviously. Why else would I have made it? Well, when I had made it, I had forgotten that his parents would eat it too.

Now the whole Potter family has the stomach flu.

Erm…woops?

It was a rather amusing sight, though. They all got up and ran to the bathroom at the same time, hands clasped over their mouths. I swear I saw Potter's mum elbow her husband in the chest to get to the bathroom first. Really, I did.

It's been an hour and they still haven't returned to the table to finish my meal I had made. I'm hurt. Well, I guess it's alright, Potter's owl at all the leftovers.

I do feel rather bad for Mr. and Mrs. Potter, though. But really, she shouldn't be keeping potion ingredients in the kitchen. Especially when powdered snow-beetle looks _so _much like parmesan cheese.

)O(

You know, when I woke up this morning, I was expecting the Potter's parents to tell me off. Instead they told me I reminded them of Black, in an _adorable_ way.

They compared me to _Black_. I thought I was going to be sick. And how is making the Potter family sick to their stomachs _adorable_? I guess being raving mad runs in their family.

In an attempt to make me feel better, Potter came up to me later and told me they thought of Black as a second son, which meant they thought of me as a daughter. I think I need to go to St. Mungoes for mental trauma. Really, I do.

So, now I have just one thing to before I return to Hogwarts tomorrow.

Pray that Potter doesn't tell _any _of his friends at school about this.

**A/N: Erm, long time no see? (runs away from angry readers). Ok, ok. I know It's been a VERY, VERY long time since I updated, and it still isn't much of a chapter. I'm sorry! **

**So, here is the chapter, big thankies to people who review, and I will write a few more chapters over Christmas break in a few weeks.**

**Ciao,**

**WSD**


	13. Dog Jerky and Fishy

Disclaimer: I do not own this wonderful world of characters.

Claimer: Sadly, I own the pitiful plot.

)O(

So. I'm back at Hogwarts. Yep.

I have made the assumption that Potter told his friends about the lasagna incident, because Black has resorted to calling me 'Little Sis'.

Remind me to kill him, would you?

Because of this, I have devised a plan to shut Black up. And that's why I am here, at the breakfast table with Potter and his annoying friends. Waiting oh-so patiently for the post.

"So, _sis_, how is your morning going?" Black stuffed a rather large forkful of eggs into his mouth.

"Uh…fine, I guess." God, he just _lives_ to annoy the hell out of me, doesn't he?

The only person who seemed suspicious of me sitting here was Lupin. He was looking directly me, I felt like a frog in a muggle biology class.

Finally, the owls flew in and dropped the morning post. A box fell in front of me and I smiled.

Operation Dog Jerky begins.

I opened the box and pulled out a bag labeled 'Dog Jerky, extra lean'. I set it to my right, which just happened to be next to Black. His fork froze mid way to his mouth.

"Oh look! My uncle went to North America for vacation over winter, and sent me some souvenirs! Look at this, instructions on how make dog stew!"

Lupin looked rather amused and picked up the jerky package. "Mind if I try some?"

I shrugged. Black was giving Lupin a positively dirty look. While Lupin took a large bite of the jerky, Potter picked up the dog stew instructions.

"Boil a pot of broth, and add chunks of dog meat (preferably from the thighs). Next, add chopped vegetables of your choosing, add three spoons of deer fat for flavor. Wait, deer fat? Deer have not fat!"

"Of course they do. Have you never seen one before? They are absolutely _covered_ in flab. Especially the males." I shrugged. "Want any jerky Black? It's _very_ good."

"What kind of dog meat is it?" He looked at the bag as though all he really wanted to do was chuck it at the Slytherins.

"Um…" I grabbed the package. "I think it's Black Labrador, actually."

His eye twitched.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" I asked again, dangling the bag in front of his face.

"Y-yeah. I don't want any." He shook his head.

I just shrugged and took a bite of the jerky myself.

He looked as if he was going to be sick.

"Well, nice talking to you." I stuffed the 'dog jerky' and the recipe in my bag before hurrying over to a hysterical Alice.

)O(

Black hasn't spoken to me all week. Hell, he hasn't even looked at me all week.

Great. Now the stupid mutt is making me feel bad. It wasn't even dog jerky! It was buffalo! And that recipe? Alice wrote it up for me. Gullible idiot.

Gods, look at the poor guy. He's sitting and gazing at the fireplace like his bloody life is over.

Honestly. It's not like I ate his cousins or anything. Geesh.

He let out a sad huff and put his face in his hands.

What a wimp.

That's it. I'm going over there.

I stood up, and slowly made my way over to where he was sitting. How was I going to say this? 'Hi Black, just wanted to say that you cried for no reason!'? For some reason, I don't think that qualifies as an apology for depression.

I took a breath and sat next to him.

The apocalypse must be coming. I'm apologizing to Black. Hit me with a rock. Please.

"Hey, Black…" I muttered.

He blinked.

"Um…are you alright?"

Blink.

"I'm sorry about what happened."

Blink. Blink.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm sorry."

Blink.

"I know how you feel. But you move on sooner or later."

He turned his head to face me. "You accidentally killed a pet goldfish too?"

"W-what?"

"I mean, it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill Fishy, I was just letting her swim around the toilet so she could have something a different to do other than swim around a little glass bowl. B-b-but then I accidentally slipped on a piece of toilet paper and accidentally hit the handle…and then Fishy was-was-was flushed down! " He started sobbing.

This guy has serious issues.

"Oh for the love of God." I shook my head before getting up and walking towards the portrait hole.

And to think I actually felt bad.

**A/N: Wow, I wrote this chapter a lot faster than I had planned. A few unexpected snow days allowed me extra time…**

**I must admit, I wasn't feeling extremely creative when writing this, so it's a bit…lame. **

**Inujeanne- If you have any more confusion on any of the words, just tell me which words, and I will give a bit of a definition on them. That way you can find the right German word to use in the translation of this story.**

**Natsyourlord- Your E-mail didn't work again, so I wasn't able to send the chapter in for editing. **

**And that means…there are probably zillions of errors in here. Point them out to me, and I will fix them when I redo the story after it's finished.**


	14. Flaming Slytherin Stands, and Detention

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ok, so I may have overreacted just a _little_ bit. But wouldn't you explode too if someone hung all of your underclothes on the quiditch goalposts? It's not like I'd just sit there and say "Oh, it's no big deal that my knickers are being displayed for all of Hogwarts to see."

I mean, I know I have a bit of a temper, and I shouldn't have tried to set Potter on fire…but sometimes, he just goes too far. But I don't see why I have to go to detention, my hex missed Potter, so no one got hurt. I may have set the Slytherin stands on fire, but _come on_ Potter and Black were bound to do that one of these days anyways, so someone might as well get a head start on it.

But nooooo, I still have to be punished. And to make matters worse, McGonagall thought it would be a good idea to have Potter and I in detention _together_. Has she gone mad? I'll probably end up setting the whole bloody _school_ on fire after spending two hours in detention with him!

And honestly, how am _I_ going to live down a detention? Lily Evans doesn't get detentions. Lily Evans gets perfect grades, and studies hard. A detention is out of the question. You know, Potter is probably laughing his head off right now. I bet this is what he wanted, too. To destroy my perfect reputation by making me get a detention.

Maybe I could get out of detention…maybe fake an injury or something? Hell, I'll even break one of my legs by jumping of the Green House roof if it gets me out of a detention with _him_.

No, I can't cut detention. Then I'd be like Potter and all of his stupid little friends. I have to go to detention with my head held high, take this like a man…er, woman. It's not like McGonagall is going to leave the two of us in the same room alone. She isn't _that_ stupid, is she?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's official. Life hates me. McGonagall actually _left_ me alone in a classroom with Potter. Maybe she only did it so I _would_ kill Potter, that way she wouldn't have to deal with him anymore herself. Yep. I bet that's exactly what she wanted. The old hag can't even get rid of one of her own students by herself. Pathetic.

Oh, and you won't believe what Potter got to do for his detention. He get's to write lines while _I_ have to clean the whole damn floor. Without magic. So here I am, on my hands and knees washing the stone floor that's just going to get mucked up again anyways, while Potter is up at the front of the room writing "I will not hang Lily's knickers on the goalposts anymore."

Merlin, life is so unfair.

"I can't believe that you set the Slytherin stands on fire." He chuckled. "Sounds like something Padfoot would do."

Yeah, that's right Potter. Make things worse by comparing me to your wretched little friend. I'm not going to respond to you. I'm not even going to acknowledge your existence, so you can just go on talking to yourself. That way I can just tell everyone that you have an imaginary friend that you like to talk to during detentions.

"I mean, who thought that _you_ would land yourself in a spot like that. Well, you do play your share of pranks, but you've never gotten caught before, now have you?"

I swear, if he keeps talking in that obnoxious little voice that he always reserves for me, I'm going rip his bloody vocal cords out myself. Besides, I do not play pranks like he does. I only use pranks as revenge on annoying people, I don't just randomly prank the Slytherins.

Well…I _did _just set their quiditch stands on fire…

But that is beside the point. Potter was the one who put my underwear on public display in the first place. I just reacted, and due to my horrid aim, I set things on fire.

"You know, Padfoot started calling you 'Little Sis' as a joke, but Merlin." He shook his head, and a large grin was plastered on his face. "Pretty soon he'll start thinking you're his twin or something."

_I'm getting close to being done with the floor. I'm getting close to being done with the floor. I'm getting close to hitting Potter over the head with a mop. I'm getting close to hitting Potter over the head with a mop._

"Who knows, maybe you're adopted or something. Now that would be hysterical, don't you think?"

"No, actually. I don't think that it would be funny." The words came out like a growl from between my gritted teeth. Honestly, if this kept going on, someone is going to end up dead. And I can guarantee that it won't be me.

"Well…no, you're right. It wouldn't." He fell silent, looking at the chalkboard. The next half hour passed silence, excluded the scratching noises from the chalk on the chalkboard.

"I'm done." He said suddenly, putting his chalk down with enthusiasm.

"Good for you." I still had about thee feet of floor to finish, and my knees were just about killing me. "You can leave now, Potter."

"And leave you alone in a classroom at night? No offence, Lily, but I don't think you could really defend yourself if anyone decided to try something. Your aim isn't that great." He had a large smirk on his face, obviously pleased with himself that he had come up with a reason to stay and annoy her. James hopped up on one of the desks a few feet away from Lily and leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees.

_I will not set Potter on fire. I will not set Potter on fire. I will not set Potter on fire._. I scrubbed harder than ever at the floor, wanting detention to be done so that I could return to the Gryffindor tower and get to bed. Throwing the large brush into the bucket of water, and getting the hems of my robes drenched in the process, I stood up and pulled the wet school robes off.

"Detention isn't so bad, is it?" Potter stood up too, and followed her to the door. "Though I must admit, it is much more fun when Padfoot is here. He always knows exactly what to say to lighten the event. Personally, I think you should get detentions more often. Your bum looks so _cute_ when you're bent over on the ground."

And that is how James Potter ended up in the infirmary.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**A/N: **

**Hehe…long time, no see? --Runs from angry readers--. I know, I know. It's been what, nearly five months? But I have been extremely busy with school and travel, but as school begins to slow down to it's last two weeks, I will be able to get back into updating more often (hopefully…)**

**But, I have updated, and I do not plan on abandoning my story. **

**Again, so sorry for the long wait,**

**WSD**


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